Round 1 - Australia's Shittest Big Thing 2025
Vote Now!
We’re on a mission to find Australia’s Shittest Big Thing, and we need your help!
Our expert panel of shitologists have shortlisted 16 of the country’s crappiest concrete creatures, fibreglass fruits and other oversized embarrassments, and organised them into a knock-out bracket.
Vote in our eight first-round ties below!
Voting closes Friday 4 July, before the Quarter-Finals begin on Monday 7 July.
If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to have the next round’s voting form delivered to your inbox.
R1#1: Potato v Spud
The Big Potato (Robertson, NSW)
The main tourist attraction of Robertson barely qualifies as a Big Thing as it’s basically just a septic tank that someone painted brown and called a potato. Obviously designed by someone who had never seen a spud before, it looks more like a turd than a tuber. The Big Potato not only resembles a shit, but also suffered the ignominy of being concreted shut because people kept crapping inside it. Voted Australia’s Shittest Big Thing in 2022, the Big ‘Pootato’ was recently repainted as a ‘pigtato’ as a tribute to the movie Babe, making it less a Big Thing and more a lump of shit with a mural on it.
The Big Spud (Sassafras, TAS)
Officially called Kenny Kennebec, the Big Spud is an anthropomorphic potato impaled through its arsehole by a massive pole outside a petrol station. If you’re wondering what kind of sicko would assemble such a sadistic scene, he’s now the Tasmanian premier. Kenny has been sitting in his painful position for 40 years and has survived being blown over by the wind, hit by a truck, shot by locals and constantly covered in dildos by kids.
Which is more shit?
R1#2: Pineapple v Mango
The Big Pineapple (Woombye, QLD)
The Big Pineapple celebrates Woombye’s long-held fondness for swinging. When they aren’t swapping partners or enjoying a pina colada, residents of ‘The Womb’ will often take a ride on The Big Pineapple’s Nutmobile, a testicle-themed conveyance that allows orgy goers to find more secluded spots to enjoy their carnal doings.
The Big Mango (Bowen, QLD)
Bowen’s ten-metre-tall misshapen lump of fibreglass looks more like the Jolly Green Giant’s gangrenous gonad than a piece of fruit. The Big Mango was famously ‘stolen’ in 2014 in what was later revealed to be a publicity stunt for a fast-food chain. Keen-eyed observers were suspicious of the ‘theft’ from the outset as clearly no one would want to steal that piece of shit.
Which is more shit?
R1#3: Banana v Owl
The Big Banana (Coffs Harbour, NSW)
The only thing sadder than basing your entire town’s tourism industry around a big phallic fruit is choosing one as generic as a banana. The Coffs monument’s uniqueness and therefore reason to exist have been shattered by similar erections in Mackay, QLD and Carnarvon, WA.
The Big Powerful Owl (Belconnen, ACT)
Let’s be honest — this is really the Big Powerful Dong. Nobody knows exactly why Canberra’s attempt at a Big Thing is shaped exactly like a penis and scrotum. It’s as if penny-pinching bureaucrats grabbed an old dick sculpture off Gumtree, painted a couple of eyes on it and plonked it on the side of the road.
Which is more shit?
R1#4: Prawn v Oyster
The Big Prawn (Ballina, NSW)
There’s a reason prawns are so small: so we don’t have to be confronted by their creepy crustacean features at full size — until now. Plonked unceremoniously in the car park of Ballina Bunnings, the Big Prawn is enough to put any home handyman off their Sunday sausage sizzle.
The Big Oyster (Taree, NSW)
Originally an unsuccessful restaurant and souvenir shop, the Big Oyster has since converted to a car dealership because nobody visits Taree. With a mouthful of windows that look disturbingly like teeth, it’s no wonder this yonic yawner is known locally as the ‘Big Mistake’. While oysters are famously known as an aphrodisiac, the only thing this oversized mollusc will inspire you to do is get out of town as quickly as humanly possible.
Which is more shit?
R1#5: Merino v Koala
The Big Merino (Goulburn, NSW)
Whoever designed this fifteen-metre-tall monstrosity was obviously given a brief to make it look as hideous as humanly possible. Covered from head to hoof in flabby folds, the Big Merino looks more like a malignant tumour than a farm animal. Unbelievably, the monstrous monument was modelled on a real ram, proving that the livestock of Goulburn are just as inbred as the locals. Adding to the Big Merino’s indignity is a set of giant gonads on full display.
The Giant Koala (Dadswells Bridge, VIC)
A gigantic red-eyed, hairy-eared replica of the only creature with more chlamydia than a local youth, the Giant Koala is the perfect mascot for the nearby shit town of Horsham — awkward, disfigured and looking like it’s been up for three days straight on a JobSeeker-funded meth binge. It also features the world’s only gift shop housed in a marsupial’s vagina.
Which is more shit?
R1#6: Croc v Kelly
The Big Boxing Crocodile (Humpty Doo, NT)
Frozen in an unnatural pose in a shithole town just outside Darwin, this massive boxing croc is one of Australia’s most nonsensical Big Things. Anyone who encountered a crocodile would be less concerned with having to box and more with being eaten. The boxing croc is the only pugilist with more bite than Mike Tyson and less credibility than Paul Gallen.
The Big Ned Kelly (Maryborough, QLD)
Maryborough celebrates its preponderance of local violent criminals with a giant shotgun-toting Ned Kelly looming over a servo, presumably with the intent of robbing it for a carton of durries. It’s a bit like erecting a six-metre statue of Ivan Milat on the side of the Hume Highway. Adding to the statue’s shitness is the fact that the bloodthirsty bushranger had no connection with Maryborough whatsoever.
Which is more shit?
R1#7: Bundy v Uggs
The Big Rum Bottle (Bundaberg, QLD)
Bundaberg is so synonymous with booze that its premier tourist attraction is a giant rum bottle, which is popular among tourists who enjoy taking selfies of themselves dry-rooting it for an edgy new Tinder pic, and locals who are still trying to figure out how to open it to get the grog out.
The Big Ugg Boots (Thornton, NSW)
Appropriately, the bogan-infested city of Maitland hosts the Big Ugg Boots, a supersized shrine to Australia’s favourite sheepskin skank shoes (most of which are actually made in China from rat hides and political prisoners’ pubes).
Which is more shit?
R1#8: Bin v Poplar
World’s Tallest Bin (Kalgoorlie, WA)
Fittingly for a dumpster fire of a town, Kalgoorlie’s attempt at a Big Thing is a giant rubbish bin — or to be accurate, an eight-metre length of rusty pipe with some handles and ‘World’s Tallest Bin’ painted on it. The Big Bin was installed as a promotional prop to discourage littering, despite the irony that it is far too tall for anyone to use. Someone needs to make an even bigger bin to put this bin in.
The Big Poplar (Bredbo, NSW)
Standing seven metres tall and 1.8 metres wide, the Big Poplar’s three-fin construction ensures that the sculpture looks exactly like a human shit from any angle. Aside from resembling a turd, it’s also smaller than many real poplar trees. Truly a shit Big Thing.
Which is more shit?
Keep an eye out next week for the Quarter-Finals!
The “Big Prawn” at Lake Macquarie fell off after we had bushfires a few years ago, and stayed on the ground for years. Now it’s got no head. Peak shit. https://www.9news.com.au/national/central-coast-big-prawn-mysteriously-loses-its-head/a895e07c-1e76-4796-a913-a15cc7a4eaa1
The Giant Koala appear to have mange as well as chlamydia!