Welcome to another Shit Towns of Australia newsletter. This week we review The Island Formerly Known As Fraser, share some of the less racist (but still pretty racist) feedback, and wrap up the week’s shit town shenanigans in the Power Rankings.
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Shit Island: K’gari
Loitering with intent off the coast of Queensland, K'gari (formerly Fraser Island) is a swampy lump of sand that doubles as an overpriced, overrated tourist trap. Hundreds of thousands visit the world’s largest sand island each year to fry in the sun, shit in the dunes, jizz in the lakes or be mauled by a dingo in its natural habitat. Another popular reason for visiting K'gari is by accident after crashing a boat into it.
As well as rusty shipwrecks, a series of large puddles and rainforests teetering precariously on top of sand dunes, K'gari features a resident population of mangy flea-bitten dingoes, venomous snakes and seasonal saltwater crocs. Fences to deter dingoes are commonplace because they keep eating tourists, while dogs are banned from the island because they keep rooting the dingoes. K'gari is also home to a couple of hundred humans, about the same number of residents as your average housing commission home in Mount Druitt.
Before it was named Fraser Island, K'gari was known as ‘Great Sandy Island’ but had to change its name because while it is exceptionally sandy, it is definitely not great. The former Aboriginal internment camp is the perfect place for a holiday you’ll regret forever.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia, available in stores and online.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Townsville, QLD — Gronk assaults cyclone cleanup worker; 5 feral kids aged 10-15 arrested after 10 cars stolen in one weekend; 5 feral teens seriously injured after crashing stolen car; drug driver passes out in roundabout
Perth, WA — Firefighters spray sewage all over neighbourhood
Bundaberg, QLD — Woman arrested after 15-year-old girl stabbed at dance school
Glenorchy, TAS — Angry gronk rams customer in Hungry Jack’s drive-thru
Port Hedland, WA — Both public pools closed by code browns
Mount Gambier, SA — Man hospitalised with stomach pain after allegedly trying to smuggle drugs into prison in his rectum
Geraldton, WA — Man charged after allegedly ramming police station while wearing helmet
Morwell, VIC — Cops seize $600k worth of drugs and 74 boxes of Lego allegedly bought with drug money
St Kilda, VIC — 120 cars trapped in car park indefinitely after drongo tradie accidentally cuts up exit ramp
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Fan Mail: K’gari
A selection of some of the Facebook feedback to our K’gari review.
Make sure Hampton Park , Victoria . Is top of the shit towns list next week after what happened there this week . 2 pensioners were woken by mungrel youths pretending to be cops . And robbed
What’s the male version of Karen? Ron or John? Graeme or Garry? Tony or Anthony?
A turd by any other name still can’t spell, I guess.