Welcome to another Shit Towns of Australia newsletter. This week, we get stuck into the Sunshine Coast shithole of Nambour, share some of our favourite Facebook feedback from the region, and dish up another serving of Shit Town Power Rankings.
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Shit Town: Nambour
Stranded in the Sunshine Coast hinterland, Nambour is the region’s dero bit, where all the druggies and drongos end up when they’re driven out of coastal areas by cashed-up interlopers. The suburb is miles from the beach, but most coasties would argue it’s still not far enough. Popular things to do in ‘Nambortion’ include ramming a police car in a stolen police car, blowing your JobSeeker on crack, and having a public wank in a retirement home while wearing only women’s underwear and covered in vegetable oil.
Nambour’s two major tourist attractions are the Big Pineapple and the big methadone clinic, both of which are irresistible to local bogans. The iconic Big Pineapple celebrates locals’ love of shoving big spiky things up their arseholes — there is even an annual Big Pineapple Festival featuring a competition to see who can fit the angriest fruit up their clacker. Another important date on the calendar is the Nambour Festival, a fun family day out featuring events such as ice cooking demonstrations, cocaine tasting, and the ever-popular needle scramble. Don’t miss it!
Shit Town Power Rankings
Geelong, VIC — Woman sleeps next to brother’s body for up to 5 years in rat-infested and rubbish-strewn house
Mackay, QLD — Pervert avoids conviction after sending video of himself rooting a dog to random teen
Sarina, QLD — Pest charged after allegedly knowingly spreading his STI all over Queensland
Mandurah, WA — Resident shoots naked home invader hiding in wardrobe
Townsville, QLD — Gronk arrested after getting bogged in stolen car before climbing onto roof of building and throwing broken glass at cops; swim school trashed by feral youths in back-to-back break-ins; drongo hurls e-scooter at car because post office staff took too long to serve him
Mornington, VIC — Man with crossbow arrested after siege; creep seen wanking on public beach
Wollongong, NSW — Arrestee caught with loaded gun and meth in his undies
Alice Springs, NT — Gronk arrested after allegedly breaking into hospital
Cohuna, VIC — Weirdos accused of killing 5 galahs to eat
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Love all this stuff! I've noticed that most of the comments are written by people who shouldn't be allowed to write anything because they're basically illiterate. They've no idea of capitalisation, punctuation or spelling - sort of proving the point of your STOA. Also why not do a story on the Southern Highlands of NSW.
Nambour. What the actual fuck. UGG