STOA Newsletter #204
D-Bay and D-Bags
Welcome to another edition of the Shit Towns of Australia newsletter. This week it’s all about Deception, election and erections, with a review of Dutton’s electoral neighbour in Queensland, a list of Australian phallic icons, and the latest political campaign and public wanking news in the power rankings.
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Shit Town: Deception Bay
Wedged between Brisbane and the Sunshine Coast and shunned by both, the municipality of Moreton Bay is a cluster of some of Australia’s shittiest suburbs including Caboolture, Morayfield and Strathpine, making it Bogan Voltron. Among its worst components is Deception Bay.
Deception Bay is so named because early British settlers were deceived into thinking it was a place worth living. Incidentally, ‘deception’ also happens to be a portmanteau of the suburb’s two principal pastimes: depression and conception. Populated by a clot of gronks who were pushed out of Brisbane by rising living costs and increased police presence, Depression Bay is a sloppy shit of a suburb that spoils some prime seaside real estate (if you can describe an endless stretch of mud as ‘prime’). Along with Logan and Ipswich to the south, Conception Bay and its mongrel Moreton neighbours ensure that Queensland’s capital is encircled by a metaphorical moat of shit. The suburb regularly makes the news for criminal activity, continually surprising Brisbanites who are usually blissfully unaware that anything exists north of Brighton.
Local attractions in the Deception Bay area include shipwrecks, car wrecks and plenty of pubs with cement floors for hosing the blood off. There are numerous entertainment options, such as spray painting a cock and balls on someone’s car or getting in a fight in a shopping mall with some scumbags in bumbags. Or you could go for a scenic stroll through the decaying housing estates and get beaten up for your shoes. D-Bay’s greatest asset of all is its good sealed roads and easy access to the Bruce Highway, ideal for driving away and never coming back.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia: The Great Aussie Road Trip, out now in stores and online.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Sydney, NSW — Drongo desperately tears Liberal Party branding off campaign truck after crashing it into early voting centre
Goulburn, NSW — Liberal Party campaign truck smeared with shit
Penrith, NSW — Gronk denies wanking in front of 2 women, claims he was just trying to hide his drugs
Glenorchy, TAS — Man hospitalised after allegedly being assaulted by massive mob of feral teens in shopping centre
Orange, NSW — Gronk films himself shooting woman in the bum
Mount Gambier, SA — Dipshit arrested after posting Snapchat video of himself speeding in stolen car while wearing stolen jacket, showing his face and address on satnav
Launceston, TAS — Homeless charity’s Easter meal and shower services cancelled after deadshits steal copper pipes from church
Melbourne, VIC — Feral teens set off fire extinguisher in cinema during Minecraft Movie
Townsville, QLD — Air Force corporal sacked for repeatedly getting his cock out in public, filming it and posting it on social media
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Fan Mail: Deception Bay
Some of the best Facebook feedback on the above Deception Bay review.
Wholeheartedly applaud the publication of Penis Replicas; especially the inclusion of Peter Dutton, the Cop Knob
How do people still think this newsletter is legit? It's a joke newsletter people 🤦♀️