STOA Newsletter #208
Feralbee
Welcome to another edition of the Shit Towns of Australia newsletter. This week we review Werribee, share some correspondence from Campbelltown, and give an update on the Tasmanian trout couple in the Shit Town Power Rankings.
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Shit Town: Werribee
A former country town that in recent times has become a commuter dormitory, Werribee is where Melbourne stores the riffraff that were too ratshit for Broadmeadows. It’s now full of ferals who were funnelled out of gentrifying city suburbs by rising rents, resulting in horrendous traffic, soaring crime and an abundance of bogans. Werribee is Australia’s capital of welfare fraud, which is so prevalent that the cops have set up stalls in shopping centres where locals can dob in a dole cheat. A particularly dero part of Werribee is ‘the Birdcage’, an urban jungle that earned its name because most of its streets are named after birds. Unfortunately, during a trip down Kookaburra Crescent or Budgie Court, the only bird you are likely to see is a Ford Falcon abandoned on a nature strip.
Werribee’s visitor attractions are all crammed into Werribee Park, whose features include a mansion haunted by the ghost of the owner who topped himself due to living in Werribee, and the Werribee Open Range Zoo. Most of the zoo’s animals have taken on the characteristics of true Werribeeans, which is fantastic if you want to see a giraffe that smells like shit or a hippopotamus that’s really good at lodging dodgy Centrelink forms. The suburb’s most famous feature is the Western Treatment Plant, a gargantuan sewage facility that deals to most of Melbourne’s jobbies and gives Werribee and its inhabitants their distinctive stench. The massive poo plant means Werribee is both literally and figuratively a shit town.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia: The Great Aussie Road Trip, out now in stores and online.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Nganmarriyanga, NT — 4-year-old boy shot with crossbow during brawl
Hobart, TAS — Pervert pleads guilty to filming fish fucking video
Howlong, NSW — Woman douses friend with petrol and sets him on fire after he makes sexist comment
Ballarat, VIC — Gronk stabs brother with sharpened dog bone; drongo tries to set fire to toilet inside police station immediately after being released
Ipswich, QLD — Highway closed for days after drongo truck carrying wind turbine parts crashes into bridge
George Town, TAS — Gronk caught on CCTV taking a shit in public before stealing Australian flag from war memorial
Shepparton, VIC — Family returns from holiday to find drunk squatter has taken over their house
Perth, WA — Car impounded after doing burnouts in school zone; gronkess allegedly torches own car to stop others using it; gay club ‘Bears Perth’ inundated with membership requests from confused footy fans after announcement of NRL team ‘Perth Bears’
Orford, TAS — Couple file discrimination complaint after emotional support alpaca ordered out of supermarket
Port Pirie, SA — Pigeon plague continues to terrorise town despite culling of 23,000 birds; still shit
Fan Mail: Campbelltown
Some Facebook feedback to our Campbelltown review.
It never ends does it? The moronic comments. Without exception, every 'fan mail' post has spelling, grammar and punctuation errors and one Campbelltown fan couldn't even spell his name correctly.
Hilarious, as usually. Followed up on the alpaca story. The alpaca's name is Violet, but her but her human's name is Abbygail-Nigella Borst. Imagine how many time she has had to repeat her four syllable name. Her parents must have disliked her from birth.