Welcome to the penultimate Shit Towns of Australia newsletter for 2021.
It’s fair to say that it’s been an absolute shitter of a year. It feels appropriate then to round out this anus horribilis by getting you, our dear readers, to vote for Australia’s Supreme Shithole for 2021. The candidates facing off for this prestigious title are the shittest town, suburb, city and state as determined by previous polls. Scroll to the end of this email to vote for the Supreme Shithole!
Also this week: we share some bits from both our books, plus the weekly Shit Town Power Rankings.
If you have mates who are keen to vote in future polls or stay up-to-date with all our content, get them to subscribe at this link: shittownsofaustralia.substack.com/subscribe
New Book: Out Now!
Our new book Shit Towns of Australia: The Great Aussie Road Trip is out now! Look for it in stores (AUS & NZ) or buy it online:
Booktopia (Australia)
Mighty Ape (New Zealand)
Book Depository (worldwide)
Top 25 Shit Town Movies
Get in the Aussie summer road trip spirit with these classic films about Australia’s shit towns.
Adelaidy and the Tramp
Alice Springs in Wonderland
Apocalypse Nowra
Ballaratatouille
Bedknobs and Broomesticks
Bendigo Like Beckham
Brokeback Mount Isa
The Broken Hills Have Eyes
Dubbo Jeopardy
Geelongest Yard
The Good Shepparton
Goulburn After Reading
Harold and Kumar Go to Newcastle
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Gladstone
Journey to the Centre of the Perth
The Lion Kingaroy
Maitland of the Dead
Mandela: Long Walk to Fremantle
MelBourne Identity
Murray Bridge to Terabithia
School of Rockhampton
Seal Team Six: The Raid on Nimbin Laden
Supermandurah
There’s Something About Maryborough
Logan
From our new book Shit Towns of Australia: The Great Aussie Road Trip, out now in stores and online.
Throwback: Tamworth
Tamworth’s main industry involves accumulating more nicknames than your average aggressively hetero Aussie white bloke. It’s the ‘First Town of Lights’ because it was the first place in Australia to use electric streetlights. Unfortunately for the residents of Tamworth, that’s where the technological progress stopped. It’s also known as the ‘National Equine Capital of Australia’ due to locals’ insatiable lust for horsemeat.
The town’s most famous moniker is the ‘Country Music Capital of Australia’, a sobriquet celebrated with an annual country music festival that sees hillbillies from as far afield as Dubbo congregate to listen to punishing ballads about broken-down utes and unfaithful sheilas. The highlight of the festival is Shannon Noll doing doughies in a Holden Colorado in the car park of Big W while chugging a schooner of Tooheys New.
Tamworth fancies itself as Australia’s version of Nashville but has not managed to produce any musicians of any real note, with its primary export being staff-fucker and closet New Zealander Barnaby Joyce. However, Tamworth does at least rival its American sister city at incest, with most residents closely related on both sides of the family. Caution is highly advised before embarking on a wild evening of webbed-foot square dancing with the opposite sex in Tamworth.
Tamworth’s landmarks include a giant golden guitar to mark the town’s fondness for terrible music, and until recently, a humungous sculpture of a Big Mac next to a war memorial. A popular tourist attraction is Tamworth Marsupial Park where punters can get up close with some of Australia’s weird native creatures, which is really great if you’ve been harbouring a secret desire to touch a wombat.
If you’re absolutely itching to hear a shitty cover of a Slim Dusty tune while munching a Phar Lap sandwich and getting a six-fingered handy, Tamworth is your town.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia, available in stores and online.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Kalgoorlie, WA — Monster gronk jailed after challenging cops to fight in street while shirtless and wielding a rake, running away with his pants down while pissing, and accidentally smashing his aunt’s ankle by throwing a rock at his partner
Melbourne, VIC — Bookshop employee pushed down escalator by anti-vax arsehole
Townsville, QLD — Gronk sentenced after fleeing crash scene on wrong side of road while 5 times over alcohol limit; cops call in reinforcements from Brisbane following 30+ car thefts in a week
Kerang, VIC — Deadshit beats up bus driver after being asked to wear a mask
Adelaide, SA — SA tops rankings for both capital city and regional meth consumption; two teenage girls rescued by firefighters after getting stuck in shopping trolley
Collinsville, QLD — Pregnant mum fined after spitting at ambo attending to her injured boyfriend
Perth, WA — Gronk pulls out knife over petrol station queue
Mackay, QLD — Exorcism causes $65k damage to public housing
Hinchinbrook, QLD — Man refuses roadside drug test over fears cops will steal his DNA
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Vote: Supreme Shithole of the Year
Click/tap on a shithole’s name below to vote. Voting closes and winner announced Monday 20/12. Only your first vote is recorded, so don’t fuck it up.
What is Australia’s biggest shithole for 2021?