Welcome to another issue of the Shit Towns of Australia newsletter.
This week: we review Fraser Island, Tasmaniacs react to last week’s newsletter, and the Inbred Isle continues its stellar start to the year in the Shit Town Power Rankings.
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Shit Island: Fraser Island
Loitering with intent off the coast of Queensland, Fraser Island is a swampy lump of sand that doubles as an overpriced, overrated tourist trap. Hundreds of thousands visit the world’s largest sand island each year to fry in the sun, shit in the dunes, jizz in the lakes or be mauled by a dingo in its natural habitat. Another popular reason for visiting Fraser is by accident after crashing a boat into it.
As well as rusty shipwrecks, a series of large puddles and rainforests teetering precariously on top of sand dunes, Fraser features a resident population of mangy flea-bitten dingoes, venomous snakes and seasonal saltwater crocs. Fences to deter dingoes are commonplace because they keep eating tourists, while dogs are banned from the island because they keep rooting the dingoes. Fraser is also home to a couple of hundred humans, about the same number of residents as your average housing commission home in Mount Druitt.
Fraser Island was originally named ‘Great Sandy Island’ but had to change its name because while it is exceptionally sandy, it is definitely not great. The former Aboriginal internment camp is the perfect place for a holiday you’ll regret forever.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia, available in stores and online.
Fan Mail: Tasmania
Shit Town Power Rankings
Hobart, TAS — 13-year-old charged after allegedly going nuts with kitchen knife outside department store; wallaby head found impaled on stick; woman ‘vigorously masturbates’ at female colleague before wiping vaginal fluid on her face
Launceston, TAS — Man’s finger sliced off in drunken car crash; grub steals elderly man’s walker while he uses hospital toilet
Orange, NSW — Naked old man seen wanking in public park; pervert convicted after wanking under display table in clothing store
Townsville, QLD — Teenage girl randomly bashed in supermarket; cops break up mass street brawl
Sydney, NSW — Bungling boatie pumps $580 of petrol into rod holder instead of fuel tank
Albury, NSW — Woman attacks 12-year-old girl in Macca’s for throwing a lollipop at her daughter
Geraldton, WA — IGAs ban unsupervised children due to youth crime spike
Glengarry, VIC — Gronk steals unmarked cop car
Perth, WA — Valet driver crashes Lamborghini into other Lamborghini
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Wow! Looks like our inbred cousins from Hobart have been sending a trout upstream a bit too much ... wassamatta, can't take a joke? You guys are the Pollacks of Oceania! Be out and proud ... "Hit his sister on the back of her head" ... "Your brother wanted the car first" ... "Dad says the same thing!"
Saman might be on to something
"Shit pages of the web"
review various well known or company websites in the STOA tradition
And in all fairness your own should be first.