The Shit List #2

Bitey Death Tubes

Welcome to the second edition of The Shit List. This week we review snakes, muse on the metric system, and share some wise advice.

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The Shit List: Snakes

Snakes are rubbish. Limbless bastards filled with poison and half-digested mice. Bitey death tubes.

With no limbs, eyelids or external ears, snakes are the minimalists of the animal kingdom. Everyone knows how much of a drag minimalists are — bland pricks who work in design that just want an excuse for why they always wear the same designer T-shirt/jeans combo. Now suppose that same bore produced a paralytic agent aside from their stultifying personality.

Imagine if there was someone in your office with no limbs who went around hissing and biting people. At the very least they wouldn’t be invited to after-work drinks. Although once a year there would probably be a special event where everyone had to wear a silly hat and maybe do a fun run to benefit Human Chode Syndrome.