The Shit List #4

28 Flies Later

Welcome to the fourth issue of The Shit List. This week we review the world’s worst insect, list the top 10 shittest defunct fast food mascots, and take a deep dive into the new zombie flick 28 Years Later.

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The Shit List: Flies

Fucking flies.

They reckon flies are more important to the ecosystem than elephants. If that’s the case, then fuck the ecosystem. I’d rather get mashed into a meaty marmalade by a whole parade of pachyderms than be subjected to the punishing buzz of a single bastard housefly, droning on incessantly like an incel with a podcast as it darts manically around the room like my ADHD nephew after half a bottle of Coke.

As well as being fucking annoying, flies are the dumbest creatures in existence. They are the only living things that can’t find their way out of an open window or doorway that’s right in front of them. Presented with a gaping portal to the outdoors directly in their line of flight, they will instead make a random sharp turn at the last split-second and hurtle into a fucking wall. They are the self-driving Teslas of the insect world.