Round 1 - Australia's Shittest Regional Food

We’re on a mission to find Australia’s Shittest Regional Food, and we need your help!

Our expert panel of shitologists have shortlisted 16 of the country’s most idiotic, weird and plain disgusting dishes and organised them into a knock-out bracket. Vote in our 8 1st-round ties below!

Voting closes Monday 17 July; Round 2 (the Quarter-Finals) begins Tuesday 18 July.

If you haven’t already, don’t forget to subscribe to have the next round’s voting form delivered to your inbox.

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R1#1: Pie Floater v Scallop Pie

Pie floater (Adelaide/Port Pirie)

A meat pie dumped upside down in a bowl of pea soup and topped with tomato sauce, the pie floater was almost certainly invented by accident. Why anyone would want to intentionally repeat that culinary disaster is anyone’s guess.

Scallop pie (Tasmania)

Despite sounding like a Pornhub category, scallop pie is actually a Tassie treat filled with scallops a.k.a. the labia of the sea, drenched in so much curry sauce it resembles diarrhoea, before being sealed in a greasy pastry pocket. You are more likely to see a Tasmanian tiger than avoid food poisoning after choking down one of these dodgy delicacies.

Which is more shit?

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R1#2: Chiko Roll v Dagwood Dog

Chiko Roll (nationwide)

Invented in Bendigo and unveiled in Wagga Wagga, the Chiko Roll has spread like nits in Nimbin to become a supposed Australian icon—despite being owned by an American company and being basically the same thing as a Chinese spring roll. ‘Chiko’ is short for ‘chicken’, even though they don’t contain any. A more accurate name would be ‘Cabbage Roll’ or ‘Calorie Tube’.

Dagwood dog (nationwide)

Also known as pluto pups or dippy dogs depending on where you live, the dagwood dog is a dodgy snag composed largely of roadkill and medical waste, slathered in enough batter to entomb a toddler before being jammed in a deep fryer.

Which is more shit?

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R1#3: Dim Sim v Halal Snack Pack

Dim sim (Melbourne/nationwide)

Originating in Melbourne’s Chinatown but now a takeaway staple across Australia, the giant dumpling known as a dim sim or ‘dimmy’ is great if you’re craving a meal that resembles a boiled ballsack.

Halal snack pack (nationwide)

Also known as the ‘HSP’, the ‘meat box’ or in South Australia the ‘AB’ (which stands for ‘afterbirth’, ‘abortion’ or ‘anal belch’, depending on who you ask), this sloppy mess of heart attack ingredients (kebab meat and chips drowned in several sauces) is perfect if you need an Allah-endorsed hangover remedy.

Which is more shit?

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R1#4: Chicken Parmigiana v Florrie

Chicken parmigiana (nationwide)

Usually shortened to parmi, parmy, parma or parmo depending on which shit town you’re from, the chicken parmigiana is the epitome of greasy Aussie pub grub. Consisting of a breaded chook’s tit smothered in tomato sauce and grilled parmesan and served with chips, the parmi is the primary diet of fat bogans and pot-bellied truckies across the nation.

Florrie (Horsham)

​​A flat, crumbed piece of horse steak wrapped around a slice of ham and a bit of cheese, often drowned in gravy to mask the awful taste, the florrie definitely doesn’t look like something you’d want anywhere near your mouth.

Which is more shit?

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R1#5: Cheese Slaw v Port Pirie Cheeseburger

Cheese slaw (Broken Hill)

An unholy melange of cheddar, carrot and emu semen that only the most depraved individuals would claim is food.

Port Pirie cheeseburger

It’s not a cheeseburger. Calling a squashed bread roll a cheeseburger is like changing the name of Port Pirie to Las Vegas and pretending it’s not still shit.

Which is more shit?

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R1#6: Anzac Biscuit v Smiley Fritz

Anzac biscuit (nationwide)

Commemorating the most devastating thing to happen to Australia until they cancelled Neighbours, Anzac biscuits only exist so your nan can use historical guilt to stop you complaining about why she didn’t buy chocolate chip cookies. The disgusting clumps of syrup and oats are an insult to war veterans everywhere.

Smiley fritz (Adelaide)

A variation of bung fritz (anus sausage) with marks resembling facial features, slices of smiley fritz are traditionally given to children in South Australian supermarkets so they can bite eye holes and wear them as a mask. Ideal for any budding Ed Gein.

Which is more shit?

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R1#7: Frog Cake v Snot Block

Balfours frog cake (Adelaide)

Sponge, cream and fondant sculpted into the shape of a frog’s head, the frog cake is the perfect dessert for people who want to pretend they’re Ozzy Osbourning an amphibian.

Snot block (nationwide)

Also known by such stomach-churning names as ‘phlegm cake’, ‘pus pie’ and ‘vanilla slice’, this custardy culinary crime is a staple of mediocre bakeries across Australia. The perfect treat if you are looking for something with the consistency of a botched boob job to tip you into a hypoglycemic coma.

Which is more shit?

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R1#8: Fairy Bread v Meth

Fairy bread (nationwide)

Looking like a pixie has blasted a three-day load onto a slice of white death, fairy bread is ubiquitous at birthday parties of Aussie kids with lazy parents. Containing enough sugar to cause instant diabetes and tasting like tooth decay, fairy bread is less a tasty treat and more child abuse. Anyone eating fairy bread after puberty should be arrested immediately.

Meth (nationwide)

There’s nothing Aussies love ingesting more than a bit of ice. Why have a plain old barbie when you can have the glass variety? Taste doesn’t matter when you’re higher than Ben Cousins on his birthday, and the only downsides are that it will make all your teeth fall out, ruin your life and kill you—much like all the other options in this poll.

Which is more shit?