STOA Newsletter #176
Vote for WA's Shittest Town!
Welcome to another Shit Towns of Australia newsletter.
This week, it’s time to vote for Western Australia’s Shittest Town for 2024. We’ve shortlisted 15 Sandgroper shitholes, based on a combination of your suggestions on Facebook, appearances in the Power Rankings, and performance in previous polls. The winner will go on to compete with Port Pirie, Alice Springs and five more shit towns for the title of Shit Town of the Year. Scroll to the end of this email to vote!
If you have mates who are keen to vote in future polls or stay up-to-date with all our content, get them to subscribe at this link: shittownsofaustralia.substack.com/subscribe
Shit Town: Whyalla
Known as ‘Steal City’ due to locals’ propensity for nicking anything that isn’t nailed down, Whyalla was originally christened ‘Hummock Hill’, meaning ‘Hill Hill’. It was later renamed Whyalla, which means ‘I don’t know’ in a local Indigenous language, or ‘shithole’ in English.
Whyalla is also known as ‘Brown Town’, though a more accurate name would be ‘Orange Hole’ due to the entire place being coated in several layers of powder the colour of Pauline Hanson’s pubes. Spewed from the city’s struggling steelworks, the omnipresent orange dust has been blamed for Whyalla’s soaring lung cancer rates, though the local practice of chain-smoking gutter butts can’t help either.
Located on the untamed Eyre Peninsula, Whyalla manages the neat trick of being a hot, dry, dusty desert dump despite being right on the sea. Replete with plague-like populations of flies and the pervasive stench of saltbush, the area is not only an actual desert but also a cultural desert, where fine dining is chips and gravy and entertainment consists of getting fingered behind the Foodland after downing a warm goon sack.
Once an industrial hub, a slew of closures have rendered Whyalla a Centrelink mecca servicing a bounty of braindead bogans and beset by more hordes of shambling ferals than the average episode of The Walking Dead. As well as being Disneyland for dole bludgers, Whyalla is also the single mother capital of South Australia, which is quite an achievement considering the state of the city’s females.
Aside from getting parro or preggo, popular pastimes in Whyalla include doing burnouts around roundabouts, waiting outside Coles on dole day to rush in and buy some durries and iced coffee, or crapping on a barbecue at a caravan park. A fun day out is ‘chucking a beachy’, which consists of drink-driving a hotwired Holden to the beach while blasting terrible music at full volume and yelling sexual propositions out the window at underage girls, before circling the car park and driving home.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia: The Great Aussie Road Trip, out now in stores and online.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Brisbane, QLD — Deadshit pours hot coffee on random baby; arseholes use unmarked tow truck to steal Commodore in broad daylight
Port Augusta, SA — 5 feral kids aged 12-14 arrested after allegedly stealing Domino’s delivery car and taking it on 300km joy ride
Geelong, VIC — Maniac jailed after forcing couple to strip naked during burglary
Sydney, NSW — Gronk threatens schoolkids with replica gun during food court brawl; drongo arrested after waiting outside police station to throw bag of meth at cops; drunk pisses all over cell after being arrested for mooning cops
Geraldton, WA — 13yo boy in custody allegedly blasts courthouse security guards with capsicum spray
Carrick, TAS — Maniacs sneak onto farm, slaughter cows and steal their meat
Toowoomba, QLD — Gronk calls 000 and threatens to blow up shopping centre while high on butane
Warrnambool, VIC — Elderly sex pest in dressing gown flashes women and kids
Devonport, TAS — Spirit of Tasmania turns back after drongo injures himself while fleeing after stealing from shop on board
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Fan Mail: Whyalla
Vote: Western Australia’s Shittest Town
Click/tap on a town’s name below to vote. Voting closes and winner announced Friday 13/9. Only your first vote is recorded, so don’t fuck it up.
What is Western Australia’s Shittest Town?
Hilarious, and what make it even funnier is the fact that it's true. A shithole is what whyalla is. Brilliant