STOA Newsletter #119
Welcome to another issue of the Shit Towns of Australia newsletter. This week, it’s a big one for Queensland with an updated version of the Brisbane slang map, a write-up of one of Greater Brizzy’s shittiest suburbs, and a Sunshine State-heavy power rankings.
Don’t miss next week’s newsletter for the details of our first poll for the year.
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Shit Suburb: Deception Bay
Wedged between Brisbane and the Sunshine Coast and shunned by both, the municipality of Moreton Bay is a cluster of some of Australia’s shittiest suburbs including Caboolture, Morayfield and Strathpine, making it Bogan Voltron. Among its worst components is Deception Bay.
Deception Bay is so named because early British settlers were deceived into thinking it was a place worth living. Incidentally, ‘deception’ also happens to be a portmanteau of the suburb’s two principal pastimes: depression and conception. Populated by a clot of gronks who were pushed out of Brisbane by rising living costs and increased police presence, Depression Bay is a sloppy shit of a suburb that spoils some prime seaside real estate (if you can describe an endless stretch of mud as ‘prime’). Along with Logan and Ipswich to the south, Conception Bay and its mongrel Moreton neighbours ensure that Queensland’s capital is encircled by a metaphorical moat of shit. The suburb regularly makes the news for criminal activity, continually surprising Brisbanites who are usually blissfully unaware that anything exists north of Brighton.
Local attractions in the Deception Bay area include shipwrecks, car wrecks and plenty of pubs with cement floors for hosing the blood off. There are numerous entertainment options, such as spray painting a cock and balls on someone’s car or getting in a fight at a shopping mall. Or you could go for a scenic stroll through the decaying housing estates and get beaten up for your shoes. D-Bay’s greatest asset of all is its good sealed roads and easy access to the Bruce Highway, ideal for driving away and never coming back.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia: The Great Aussie Road Trip, available in stores and online.
Brisbane Slang Map: Update
A new and improved version of the slang map of Brisbane by Topher Agar.
Available as a poster or print from our merch store here.
Other maps in this series: Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Perth, Canberra, Gold Coast, Newcastle, Tasmania, Illawarra, Central Coast, Sunshine Coast, New Zealand.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Gold Coast, QLD — Trio hospitalised after smashing through restaurant window and falling 4m while brawling, before rando allegedly assaults cops at the scene; council threatens to fine residents unless they illegally clear brush turkey’s nest from their water meters
Garfield, VIC — Road-rager rams car, flips onto roof, crawls out with knife
Townsville, QLD — Five 12-year-old kids arrested after stolen car crashes into parked vehicles; council chops down trees in botanic gardens in desperate bid to control bat infestation
Strathpine, QLD — Cop punches the shit out of allegedly drunk driver at crash scene
Rockhampton, QLD — Recycling business robbed by gun-wielding gronk on bicycle
Tamworth, NSW — Pole-wielding thugs try to hijack car with woman and girl inside
K’gari, QLD — Sunbathing tourist bitten on the arse by dingo
Canberra, ACT — Sleazy city named Australia’s cheating capital
Penguin, TAS — Possum infiltrates grain silo switchboard and pours 12 tonnes of grain all over ute
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
Where is Springfield on this map? It should be East of Ipshit..
In a vain attempt- as seen by Brisbanites- for people north of the Pine River Bridge to differentiate themselves by classing one suburb as being better than another, those in Deception Bay call Morayfield "Moronfield", and those in Morayfield refer to those in Deception Bay as "D Bay D-bags".
Caboolture is a whole 'nother issue.