Welcome to another edition of the Shit Towns of Australia newsletter. This week we review Casino, NSW to mark Beef Week, the highlight of their sad little calendar, plus wrap up a big week of shit town shenanigans in the power rankings.
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Shit Town: Casino
The Northern Rivers shithole of Casino is called that despite the fact that the closest it gets to an actual casino is the pokies at the RSM club, making it the most misleadingly named town since Woodenbong or Bigtitti. In an ironic twist, Casino has actually been banned by the New South Wales government from acquiring any more gaming machines. The town is more accurately known for cows—Casino claims to be the country’s ‘Beef Capital’, or ‘the Rockhampton of Australia’. In fact, Casino has such a boner for beef that it is considering changing its name to Cowsino.
Casino celebrates its beef fetish in three major ways: by regularly filling the town with the fragrance of rancid offal from its local meatworks; by legally restricting all food in the town to meat pies; and by holding an annual Beef Week, which attracts bloodthirsty bogans from all over the immediate area. Casino Beef Week, which is actually twelve days long because Casinoans don’t know what a week is, features events such as the Beef Queen pageant for the most bovinesque lady, an orgy of animal abuse called a ‘rodeo’, and an orchestrated stampede of cows down the main street before a parade runs directly over all the fresh cow shit.
While in Casino, it’s highly likely that you’ll be approached by local bums begging for booze or meth money, but don’t give them any—they’ll only spend it on beef.
From our book Shit Towns of Australia, available in stores and online.
Slang Map Series
In case you missed them, here is the complete series (so far) of Topher Agar’s Australian shit town slang maps:
Sydney
Melbourne
Brisbane
Adelaide
Perth
Canberra
Gold Coast
Newcastle
Tasmania
Illawarra
Central Coast
Sunshine Coast
All are available as posters or prints from our merch store here.
Shit Town Power Rankings
Cooma, NSW — Cops bravely tase 95-year-old woman with walking frame at aged care facility
Adelaide, SA — Woman threatens emergency services with axe after they arrive to help her following car crash; car stolen with toddler inside
Townsville, QLD — Youths in stolen car try to run over kid on bike; feral kids punch elderly woman after crashing stolen car; man found unconscious after being shot in the arse
Melbourne, VIC — Psycho mails used condoms to dozens of women
Sydney, NSW — Gronk flees after smashing rented Lamborghini into 3 cars in car yard
Umbakumba, NT — Rubbish collection halted after rubbish truck attacked with axe
Noosa, QLD — Gronk tasered and arrested after trying to flee in stolen car with cop in passenger’s seat, before turning up to court in another stolen car
Canberra, ACT — Drongo arrested after stealing phone then trying to sell it back to the same shop; bloke arrested after throwing hamburger at cop through police car window
Perth, WA — Cops fail to detain drunk driver’s car as they can’t drive a manual
Port Pirie, SA — Still shit
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